Howdy, friends. Waffles here with another update on my Playing Every\* NA Game Boy Game project. This update contains the end of I (which was only six games) as well as all of J. We’re also fast approaching the 50% mark! I’m excited.
As usual, I’m playing in alphabetical order (mostly, I will arrange series chronologically), and I’m giving each game at least half an hour of playtime. Some get more, and I’ll note any that do. I’ll also note any that were egregiously bad enough that I didn’t want to spend even that minimum amount of time with them. So, without further ado, let’s dive right in.
International Superstar Soccer: Somehow, this is the best soccer game on Game Boy so far. That is, however, a super low bar, especially since this game came out in 1998. I stand by my belief that sports games on Game Boy are generally bad, but if you really want a Game Boy soccer game, play this one. 5/10
Iron Man and X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal: I’d heard of X-O Manowar before playing this game, and really only vaguely knew that he was a comic book character? I think he’s from Valiant. That’s really all I knew about him. This game did not really make me want to learn more. This is an awkward action platformer where you play as either Iron Man or X-O Manowar, but they look and play identically (and control terribly), so it’s really just a matter of who you like most. It’s fine as a concept, I guess (avoids the issue of one character being the “right” choice), but in practice it’s kind of silly. Also the game has muddy sprites and as mentioned controls badly. 2/10
Ishido: The Way of the Stone: It’s a weird little puzzle board game thing. There’s a solitaire mode (which is kind of boring) and a mode to play against a computer (or a second person, if you’re on original hardware, have a link cable, and know someone else with this game), but that’s also kind of meh? I think this might be more interesting with a real person, honestly. Also, this game had a certain vibe, and two minutes on Wikipedia confirmed it: Despite the name, it’s game some dude made in the eighties and then just slapped a vaguely Asian sounding name and lore on to make it seem ancient. I will level with you, that does kinda kill the vibe for me. 3/10
Jack Nicklaus Golf: Okay so it’s not as good as Golf, but it’s still a very solid game. I actually ended up playing four full rounds, I think, and realized I’d spent like two hours on this. So yeah, there’s now officially two sports games on Game Boy that I not only liked, but recommend. 7/10
James Bond 007: The best Bond game I’ve played this year. It’s essentially “James Bond by way of ‘we have Link’s Awakening at home,’” which I didn’t think would work, but shockingly it does. And I’m not kidding when I say it’s the best Bond game I’ve played this year. I played the newest one last month, and it didn’t really “feel” like I was playing as James Bond. Somehow, a nearly thirty year old Game Boy game managed to capture that feeling better than IOI’s latest outing. I’ll admit that it’s not without fault – the sprite work is bad (especially when you remember this game came out in 1998), the hit detection is awful (which causes you to take a lot of hits you really shouldn’t), and the back half is difficult in a way that doesn’t feel “hard” so much as it feels “annoying,” but I still think this is well worth your time.
Jeep Jamboree: Off Road Adventure: Racing’s a sport, and my general rule of “Game Boy sports games are bad” holds here. The first person perspective is neat but poorly done. The controls are awkward. The music is terrible. Skip this one. 1/10
Jeopardy!, Jeopardy! Sports Edition, Jeopardy! Teen Tournament and Jeopardy! Platinum Edition: I’m grouping these because they’re essentially the same game with different question sets. All four have awkward animations, weird difficulty (weird in that unlike real Jeopardy!, the questions don’t necessarily increase in difficulty as value increases, not in that it’s thirty to forty year old trivia), and frankly the games would be better suited by tweaking them so that they accept an answer that’s a letter or two off (really sucks to get a question wrong because you misspelled a state name by one letter, especially since that mostly cannot happen on the show). These all have a single console two player mode, which is how I played them all. The issue is that you kinda have to be on top of the other player, because you’re sharing a small device. This wasn’t a problem playing with my wife, but could be if I was playing with literally anyone else. Of the four, I think Sports Edition is the roughest (because it’s not just sports specific trivia, it’s thirty plus year old sports specific trivia) and Platinum Edition is the best (most interesting category sets and the only one of the four that seemed to properly align difficulty and value). Platinum Edition is the only one of the four I’d really recommend, but because they’re all basically the same game you can’t really go wrong with any of them. 6/10, 5/10, 6/10, 7/10
The Jetsons: Robot Panic: If you like The Jetsons and platformers, you’ll probably have a good time with this one. It’s not anything special, but it is a competent licensed platformer, and that puts it head and shoulders above most other licensed games on the Game Boy. That being said, the real damning part there is “competent.” It’s fine, and I enjoyed the time I spent with it, but “fine” is also all it is. 5/10
Jimmy Connors’ Tennis: I actually used to follow tennis, and I was pretty eager to try this. Tennis video games have always held a special place in my heart since I spent way too much of my allowance as a child on a tennis arcade machine at the local movie theatre. And this game, whi