Leaning into character flaws

Hey guys! I'll keep it short: I've been playing with a really cool group for about a year now. They're all really nice people but I feel like I'm not roleplaying well and really want to work on that.

I'm playing the classic "snotty elf" but I'm really struggling with leaning into my character's flaws. I do suffer from social anxiety and most of my day-to-day social interactions are me desperately trying to be kind and agreeable. That really clashes with my character and I'm too scared to play her as the first-unlikeable-but-eventually-not-a-total-asshat arrogant twat that I had in mind when I created her. Basically I'm afraid of coming across as an actual rude person lol. I only really know the DM and barely interact with the other players out of DnD.

Do you have any advice on how to approach this?

Basically I'm afraid of coming across as an actual rude person lol.

You say it out of character. "Since we all know x is a snotty elf, I want to lean into it here" and then you just start to learn the group's boundaries. Ask them out of game time what any actual limits they might have. Usually, as long as you make it clear that if it bothers someone you'll change your actions, and also don't basically commit PVP, most people are fairly fine with you being a bit of an asshat in character.

You can be the quiet elf, that gives snotty one liners, and then proceeds to ignore all future conversations.

Like you drop to 0 hp and get revived and say "I didn't need your help". then after a pause softly say " thank you"

But then still help the other player when needed.

I hope you understand what im going with here.

Your character is exactly how you want them to be. If you aren't having fun with the edgy character, play yourself. If you aren't having fun as yourself, play the generous peace lover. The one who determines your PC flaws is you. Tell the other players, "I'm not having fun trying to be a dick, I'm going to switch up the personality to something I enjoy."

If they don't accept that explanation, they are bad players.

Be kind outside of the roleplaying aspect. Using an accent to separate the character from yourself will be the easiest delineator, but not everyone is good at accents.

You could bring a prop (a hat is simple) that you put on and take off when you are in character - that way when you are talking about strategy and options, you can take it off and be you, then put it on and be annoying.

You have been playing for a year. That is usually more intense then knowing someone and seeing each other on and off for a year.

Dnd is great for personal development. I intentionally play characters that are outside of my comfort zone so that I can experience that reality in a simulation.

I say go for it, flip people off. Be the rude asshole elf you dream of being. It is actually great for a character to act in an insufferable way towards NPCs and being more lenient and understanding (although still the same snotty elf) towards your party members. Feels like family.

My personal advice is to not get too attached to the image that you build in your head. Use it as a guideline and have plans, but generally characters are discovered through interaction with the setting and the other players.

I know so many players, including myself, who have started a campaign knowing exactly how a character should be, only to end up with a completely different personality that is more fun than the original concept.

I played a Rogue who was supposed to be intense and serious. But after a few sessions, I realized that my character really loved ranking the Ranger. My original idea changed into something new because I got to experience the world through the characters eyes. Characters tend to find a life of their own, once a creator/performer stops trying to force it.

Ask yourself this, why is she snooty? Its not just a stereotype. There needs to be a reason. Grew up within a family of high class or influential people. The average adventurers are not typically high class. And even if they were, elven nobility sees themselves as above others. If you want to roleplay it better have your character talk to people like they are children. (Elfs are typically the oldest characters anyway reaching physical maturity around age 120.) And dont worry about being rude in character so long as it stays in character. Talk to the players beforehand. Let them know you want to try this but are uncomfortable being rude to people. They will probably help you with roleplay moments and ideas.

There's nothing wrong with explaining exactly what you put here to your group before you start your session. Ask them if its alright to try and lean into your character and let them know to mention if they feel it is going too far, that way you shouldn't have the fear of coming across rude.

For the flaws, I would think of situational things. If your elf enjoys high fashion, it may be a simple remark about not being in a fancy part of town, or a small quip about the drink selection at the tavern. It doesnt have to be a comment to berate a specific person and can help get your mind involved and immersed in the world around you.

Best solution, talk to the players outside of the session and have them help you. When they know your goal, they can help.

So, I have some experience playing as and with such characters. In my experience, it doesn't work out very well. The reason is that the other PCs are likely to lean into how you're presenting your character, which means.. if you're playing an unlikable asshat, then the PCs are less likely to, well, like your character. The players might enjoy the character, but the PCs might not. I've gotten this response a lot: "Oh, no! Your characters great! I love her! My character just doesn't like her." This is frustrating when you want to have real character development and have your character become a better person, because they'll lack the connection to do so. So.. I've decided to just stop playing characters like that, unless there's another PC in the party who is a happy-go-lucky sort who wants to be friends with everyone no matter what. You don't really have a path forward to develop without a connection. It can feel like you're trapped into an ever increasingly resentful character.

But since you already have that character, my suggestion is, to play them like they are vulnerable. Make their unlikeableness seem like kind of a defensive reaction to a deep emotional vulnerability that hopefully the other PCs will try to latch onto and ease out. Maybe make it show if the other PCs decide they don't like her. Show hurt sometimes, or at least uncertainty.

Number one tip on playing any kind of gimmick or quirk: overdo it! Make it very clear you're playing a silly character. The more extreme, the better! (Though there is a limit ofc)

My table is not terribly deep in RP so I remember a few sessions we played and my character is... well she can be a bit of a bitch. So I play her that way. I can't voice her very well, so one time we took 5 and one of the players was like "was that at me or was that in-character?" I had to explain I try to run in character as much as possible and that certainly was in character. We all got a good laugh out of it. I had to remind them this dainty lass was proficient in intimidation, not persuasion, for a reason.

But she remains a bit cynical and everyone knows that is very contrary to who I personally am, so we agreed it is in character and I asked them to sidebar me if it comes off personal. Usually they just roll their eyes \[and specifically in character\] followed by "do you need a snickers or some whiskey?" and that is now a running joke.

Anyhow, tell them this is purely in character and to give you feedback. As to how you can PLAY it, i say own it but if you can make it a little bit comical it works. I always play my haughty high elves like Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory. He is snobby but also a bit clueless; has capacity for kindness, but is probably too aloof of the feelings of others.

My current one I play more like Rick Sanchez from R&M. Sometimes having a prototype can be useful.