I’ve always been a soft DM. It takes all of me to be hard on my players, specially since this is my first campaign DMing and it’s the first time playing D&D for the three of them. Also, they’re really good friends so I never want to fuck them over.

We’ve been playing for almost a year now, and everyone has gotten more comfortable, including myself (I have this Reddit to thank for a lot, whenever I’ve had doubts or needed advice it helped so much).

I wouldn’t say I’m good yet, but they love the game I’ve created and that’s all that matters. There’s the perfect amount of RP, and slowly I’ve added more interesting fights (which was the hardest part for me). They’ve learnt so much and that made me realize one thing: it was time for them to face a real challenge. One that put them at the edge of their seats.

They entered an old sea hag dungeon, and she took them by surprise + tried to Death Stare at one of them. I casted area damage in a small space so all of them were struggling and getting damage, the healer didn’t even know how to help. At one point, when the hag was pretty much done for, three of them went down and only one of them was alive. She managed to Help two, but the other one died.

They resurrected her after the fight thanks to the paladin making a pact with her deity. It was honestly epic.

During the entire fight, they were obviously extremely nervous and I’d never seen them that invested in a fight. After it, they couldn’t stop smiling, laughing at how crazy the fight was, and talking about it. they looked so genuinely excited about what had happened.

It made me realize just how important it is for us DMs to put them in true danger so they remember that their lives are on the line whenever they face big challenges. I know this “advice” is nothing new, but if you’re a newbie and soft DM like me and you’re scared to do an epic life threatening fight for your players - do it! You won’t regret it.

Yep. It's why when DMs say they're afraid of killing PCs because they might upset their players, they're making the situation worse. Maybe they won't upset their players, but they certainly won't make them invested or engaged in the game either. It'll just be boring.

Players in turn need to accept that their character might die. It might hurt in the moment, but it'll be a fantastic story that'll be told for years to come.

It can also cause players to de-invest in their characters. I feel like people don't tend to tell the other side of this - players who die frequently build expendable characters.

I'm fast and loose with murder in some games, and lighter on others, depending on what gaming experience I want. I think more death leads to a better "game", and less death leads to a more invested "story", so my games depend on which I'm trying to promote.

I have a player that gets snappy and angry when their character might die. Do I address that in front of everyone or take a break mid-battle or wait til battle is over and then break to tell them?

Sorry, not hijacking the thread but I relate so much to being a soft DM and this was a great outcome. I think if my one player died, they’d leave the table and get mad or something idk but I’m scared to find out.

This isn't a game issue, it's a player issue. Talk to your player about it and, if need be, be ready to remove them if they cannot take the conversation productively.

Address in game, “I don’t want to upset you but this is the game, mortals can and do die” is prolly what I would say

You’re right. She’s very precious about the character, and has only been in 5 sessions so far. At the start of the next session I think I’ll remind everyone that I can’t protect their characters and they may die. And I will take that seriously, but if anyone can’t handle the thought then maybe Skyrim is a better game for them.

Very true. That is the game.

One of the first things I mention in my session 0: "high likely hood of character death in my campaign". If it wasn't talked about then, I recommend making a brief disclosure before the start of a session or even the day before so the players are aware of the stakes. And if they don't like it then perhaps it's a player/campaign mismatch – nothing personal!

I tell my players that if they care more about their character surviving than they do about going on the adventure, then it’s time for that character to retire. I’ve only had a couple of times that happened (one time the whole party retired at once which was honestly awesome). It’s kinda fun cause you can have that character show up as an advisor or something for the new party from time to time.

I agree, it’s best to manage expectations ahead of time. I did bring it up for session 0 and everyone agreed to continue, but I think in the moment when it might become a reality is when emotions run wild and the anxiety about it turns to anger. Which isn’t an excuse, I wonder if she knows she does it? I will definitely make an announcement before the next session and if it happens again I will try to politely point it out

Maybe I’ll be lucky and it could become an epic moment like in OP’s story.

That is neat! Former characters as new NPCs or just cameos. Do you have the former player voice them and act them out? Also, stealing that, thank you!

Fear of failure (death) is one of the most exhilarating parts of dnd. Some groups remember a boss fight here or there, but no one will ever forget that time a simple enemy ambush rolled really well and almost killed half the party.

I understand not every game and group is meant for that style, but I can recall every fight over the last decade where I knew my character was a round away from death.